Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I took Kat in the pooper

I won the Karaoke prize by singing both sides of Ozzy Osbourne and Lita Ford's "If I Close My Eyes Forever"...there were a lot of mid-thirty's suburbanite judges. They saw my effort and the PURE ROCK flowing through my veins. Fuck Yeah.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The night I got ASS-FUCKED by the Karaoke guy...

Alright. So, guess what part I played this evening? The part of random chic at a private party for work, who gets pissed cuz she can't show off to her full potential. That's not a good role, by the way. That's the kind of person who is uber-annoying... following the karaoke host around like a stalker. That was me.

But I will tell you why it was me & then you won't hate me so much. Normally, I give a shit about karaoke. And, until TODAY, I didn't give a shit about this karaoke night either. But, after getting stoned & really vibing out on Saturday, I found a song I wanted to do... a CLASSIC. The type of song I would never do normally. And I decided I would sing this. Because 1. people would know it and 2. it'd for sure be in the book.

Guess what? It wasn't in the book. Bummer. I asked to be positive - they can download stuff; I mean it's past the nineties. So "assistant boy" tells me that they got it. They got the song - Sah-WEET!!! I pull out my extra tambourines, I rewrote some of the lyrics to be funny. There's a good thirty minutes before I go up... right in the prime time. I'm set. I'm gonna WIN the prize for sure! Two songs before I'm up... douchebag informs me they actually couldn't find the song. uh... WHAT? It's cool if you couldn't get it, but you were basically lying to me for forty minutes? And this whole time I've been prepping people for some amazing show I've planned... and now - that's all DESTROYED??? Needless to say - I'm pissed.

So, I spend too long following around the poor karaoke chic & trying to pick a song. I end up choosing something I used to rock back in the day & in this current day - I don't really remember. Ugh. I really hurt my chances now. Thank god I laid down a mean version of "Baby Got Back" earlier in the evening....

So, we'll see, folks. The odds are good that I at least took one of the three prizes. But had I been able to unload my AMAZING, personalized version of "Long Train Running" - I would have been sporting the Grand Prize Tiara for SHIZ. xokat

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Go VOLS!!! Regardless of how bad you SUCK!

As I prep mentally for the humiliation that is to come... at least I know I have a nice ass. I mean seriously - I am about to take a shower & suit up in all SORTS of Tennessee gear and then walk the walk into Big Wang's North Hollywood to watch the SEC Championship game. We're 3-5 in the conference this year... 5-7 over all. Shit. I even painted my fingernails UT orange. If you know anything about college sports... UT orange is the most offensive color in existence.

I've got it all! The repulsive just-lighter-than-hunter-orange Tennessee hat. The camouflaged for shootin' Tennessee tee. The "Smokey for President" hoody (do you spell it with an ie if you're a girl?). I even have real, Tri-City crafted FISHING LURE EARRINGS! And I know the fight song... Oh I KNOW Rocky Top! And don't think for a second, when Bama is SCHOOLIN' the fuck outta the Gators (please god!) I won't be singing it all the way to the end zone!

Once I had a girl on Rocky Top
Half bear the other half Kat (that's me!)
Wild as a mink but sweet as soda pop
I still dream about that!

Fair Weather Fan I am NOT!
SEC til I die!
V-O-L-S go VOLS GO!!! xokat